


Reflections

by JackTheSoldier



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda, Historical RPF, Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Based on the fact that Ben and John looked strikingly similar, Fluff, Historically accurate appearances, I listened to Hush and look where it got me, John is a dick but for a good reason, M/M, seriously look up their portraits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 14:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20409277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackTheSoldier/pseuds/JackTheSoldier
Summary: Benjamin recognizes his reflection and decides to help a friend.





	Reflections

The Aides were all writing in a flurry as usual, excluding Tench Tilghman, who had been sent out to collect reports from the other Generals and sentries. Benjamin had been told to turn in his own reports and was just finishing up in Washington's office now. The only sounds were the light footsteps of house-servants as they rushed about their small, temporary home and the scribbling from quills against papers.

Suddenly, in stumbled Tench, clutching a paper tightly in one hand and holding it close to his body, almost as though he was hiding it. He was struggling to catch his breath by the time he had dropped the paper on Washington's desk, clearly having run to get back for whatever reason. 

His Excellency looked confused but didn't question his most faithful aide and started to read the paper. As he did, his brows drew closer together and the frown he seemed to always have deepened on his face. He silently passed it to Ben to read with no words, but the look in eyes said 'this is for you'. 

_To Whom it may Concern, _  
_Our guards were given a scare last night upon seeing a bright red color outside the main entrance of our camp. Upon further inspection, we discovered it was merely a cloak hanging from a tree, but the idea that some man might have placed it there for an unknown reason is unnerving at the least. It was in near perfect condition, therefore it can be assumed that it was placed there recently and not over a day ago. _  
_We would feel better to have someone from His Excellency's office investigate the source of this mysterious cloak. _  
_<strike>\--</strike>General Sullivan _

Ben knew what to do. He placed the letter down and started out the door. 

By the time Benjamin was at the place where the cloak was still hanging, a significant bit of clouds had filled the sky and darkened it, making the area appear eerie. He considered returning home but shook his head. No. He had a duty, and it was to make sure his General or perhaps the entire army was safe. 

He touched the soft fabric of the cloak that hung from a low branch of a tree. It was black on the outside and lined with the same bright red color as the British uniforms. Such an ugly color, in Ben's opinion. It was beautiful, though. Near perfect quality and not one bit of dirt or blood or any form of stain that he could see. Who would ever leave such a thing? 

His questions were answered as a piece of dark green fabric was pulled over his eyes and mouth. In a sudden fit of panic, he flailed and forgot about the weapons he had on him. Hands were all over him in a second and Ben's back hit a tree. There was a hand on his belt suddenly, pulling Ben's pistol from him. Whatever fabric was over his head was sweet-smelling and tight. His hands were pinned to the tree in a second. Then, an all too familiar voice. 

"Hey there, Benny." 

He could practically hear John's smirk in his voice. The green aide-de-camp riband that had been tied around his head was loosened and Ben was face to face with John Laurens. The Carolinian was smiling too widely for such a panicking scenario. 

"John!" 

"Hush!" John snapped and clasped a hand over Ben's mouth. "Listen, nobody else is aware I've returned from France. I wanted to surprise everyone... Well, fuck it, you know how I swing already. I wanted to surprise Alexander." 

Ben stared at John with an angry expression, but it quickly melted away. He couldn't stay mad at his friend for long, especially after hearing his reasoning for luring someone out here. "Were you just going to wait out here for days until I came along? Christ, Did you sleep out here?" 

"I was going to come into headquarters tonight and force you with me if you didn't come out with this trick, and no, I stayed in an inn in the town not far away. Nellie<strike>\--</strike>" 

"Your horse Nellie?" 

"Yes, Nellie. She's back into the woods right now. I didn't want to keep her too close to the camp in case it gave me away," John said and pointed back into the woods. 

"So you need me to help you surprise Alexander?" 

"I wanted us to get at least a day alone," John said and stepped back from Ben. He wasn't looking at him anymore. He was clearly a little embarrassed, but they knew where each other's preferences laid. Ben knew of John and Alexander just as John knew of Benjamin and Nathan. 

"John... He isn't yours anymore," Ben mumbled. "He's married now. I know it hurts, but..." He couldn't finish his thoughts. 

It seemed like John knew what he meant anyway. He gave a little nod and looked somber. "I know, but it's just... I can't fill that place. Without him, there's an empty space and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I can't... I'm incomplete and it hurts. It hurts more than any wound could ever and I hate to say it, but I wish he had never met that woman," he grunted as he let himself lean back at hit a tree. He looked up at the treetops, which were obscured by fog. 

Ben sighed. "You're addicted." 

No response. 

"John. I won't help you with this. Alexander is a married man and I won't..." 

The man in front of him was suddenly crying. He was trying to keep a straight face, Ben could tell, but the tears were obvious. 

"John." 

Nothing. 

"John, please." 

"I thought you might understand. Y'know. Everything you went through." 

Now it was Ben's turn to stop talking. He froze and stared at John and remembered being told what happened to Nathan Hale. His beautiful roommate turned lover, Nate. He hadn't gotten over it. He never would get over it. It felt like being stabbed in the back repeatedly. Every memory of Nathan Hale, a new and familiar but ever-surprising wound once he remembered that he wouldn't see him again. 

"I just want at least one day with him. Just us. Just smiles and kisses and enjoying him before I have to let go. And who knows? Maybe he'll have dropped everything about us and he's already moved on and I won't need to hide for a day," John shrugged but it was clear that he was hurting. Ben recognized his own face. He recognized himself in his best friend. 

"He isn't over you, John. Some days you're all he wants to talk about. He's missed you. You were gone for almost a year and then you appear back in camp and you're gone in a day and then you're gone for months again. Even if he's been married for a year and a half now, he's not forgotten you or stopped loving you. He's never going to stop loving you." 

John was quiet and wiped his tears away. "I think I'm just going to forget surprising him." 

"Really? John, listen, I'll help, but... I want you to know that you can't hold onto Alexander forever," Ben sighed and stepped up to his friend and took his hand. 

"I'll let go. I will. I just think it's going to be rough," John admitted. 

"I'll be here whenever I can." 

They both nodded and John leaned into the shorter's arms. Ben embraced John with as much tenderness as he could manage. He needed it. They both needed this. The two men that looked so much like brothers needed to hold each other like they were. 

John followed Ben through the back door of headquarters. It was far later now, and Ben had been away in headquarters throughout the day to make sure that Alex was going to stay up late (as he usually did). He knew just how to hide them for a day. The basement. Ben had moved things around there throughout the day, laid out a cot for the happy couple, and knew it was safe and secluded enough to hide them. 

Ben lead John through the halls and toward the aides' working room (what used to be a dining room). Alexander was the only one still working at such a late hour. The candles in the room had burned low and cast an almost romantic air to everything the light touched. Ben practically shoved John into the room. 

Alex looked up to see who it was. "Oh, Benjamin. I'm nearly done for the night. Only a few more sentences." 

Ben hung his head and couldn't believe Alex had mistaken them. But really, who could blame anyone who did? The only difference, in all honesty, was their hair (Ben's being brown and John's being blond) and the scars they had, which you couldn't see unless they stripped. 

John cleared his throat. "Actually, Alexander, it's me." 

There was silence and then a shuffling as Alex got to his feet. "Really?" 

"Really. Your eyes have taken a toll from all your awful writing habits, Alex," John chuckled as the redhead laid a hand on his cheek. 

Alex simply smacked his cheek lightly and smiled. He leaned in to kiss him, comfortable in the public space knowing no one would disturb them. Everyone had gone to bed except them three, and they both trusted Ben would keep their secret to the grave. "You have such wit, J." 

"Well, you rub off on me." 

"As much as I love the sight of you two being happy together, I suggest moving to your bed before anybody can see John is back," Ben suggested from the door. 

Alex looked a little confused. "Nobody else knows?" 

"I got here earlier than expected to have at least one more day with you. One more day. Can you promise me one more night?" John asked and looked near desperate. 

Alexander nodded. "Without question." 

Ben led the pair of them down to the basement and bid them goodnight. He didn't have to ask what they were going to do. 

* * *

The next morning was just like any other. 

Busy. 

John and Alexander were up early, as Ben had advised John, and Ben helped John before the sun rose to get things from the inn he had stayed in and moved. They accidentally woke up Tench Tilghman as they were putting John's things in his room, but he didn't seem to find (though both men were guilty because the small aide needed all the sleep he could get, what with his working longer hours than most of them [even Alexander himself]). The General was made aware of his return and welcomed his brave aide-de-camp with open arms. 

But Ben saw the effects of his help. Alexander and John were happier, and it seemed over the night, they had opened up to each other more about Alex's marriage and their relationship moving forward. It seemed that for now, all was well. At least until John would need to leave again, but that wasn't until their next battle--The plan to move on to Yorktown and end this damned war, once and for all. 

**Author's Note:**

> The title was misleading, huh? I thought so. Don't just an ao3 book by the cover. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! I had fun writing this. Happy August 27th, I guess. On This Day In History, the year 1782: The Battle of Combahee in Combahee South Carolina. During which (at roughly four or five in the morning), John Laurens was leading troops into the skirmish and was outnumbered three to one. He continued forward, determined to win, and in the process, Laurens was mortally wounded (likely a shot through the chest). He was buried at Stock Plantation nearby and later transferred to the Laurens Family Cemetery on what is now Mepkin Abbey. He was moved to respect his brother's, Henry Junior, will, in which he dictated that he wanted John to be moved and buried with the rest of his family. 
> 
> So thanks again for reading. Happy Laurens Death Day. Follow me on Tumblr! @general-wheeee.


End file.
